See the brand new http://www.okh3.com for Oregon Kahuna hash schedule and updates.
Another Monday another hash #3 for the Oregon Kahuna Hash House Harriers to be precise.
What more could we ask for? A beautiful Monday evening, warm weather, cold beer and 16 die hard hashers, ready to chase our hares; the great katoytoy and Snyfilis.
As I pulled up to the start, I was greeted by Katoytoy limping along with the aid of a primitive homemade walking staff. Evidently, he sprained an ankle during a weekend Eugene hash and needed to show us his manliness despite a painfully swollen ankle.
We started at Produce row cafe, a nice pub with a great selection of microbrews. Yours truly got the last pint of great dry hopped orange ale.
The hares were off on time. The 14 strong pack began pursuit a little early. After an assortment of checks leading towards the Burnside bridge we finally figured out that true trail was right over the Burnside Bride , and a nice trail it was as it's under construction and closed to traffic. Running by the Portland Rescue Mission "Big Shitter" almost invited another 70 or so of our new friends to join us for beer and religion.
As we continued along the beautiful waterfront, we made our way thru Old town and eventually to the Hawthorne bridge and back to the East Side. Lois Lame was seen on the Hawthorne bridge, running topless, but quickly disappeared into the bowels of Southeast, back into the urban depths of despair.
As we wandered across 12th Ave., Just Cynthia pointed out the hash coffee house of the day Rimsky-Korsakoffee House, on 707 SE 12th Ave. She assured me that this was a great place for deserts but the coffee needed some work.
The pack regrouped at what we thought was a beer check at St. Francis park. I guess that our wounded hare was beat to the beer check by the pack. Sniffy was there to greet us, but where was the beer? Seems that katoytoy was delayed due to his ailing ankle. Why is it that so many hashers are nursing sprained ankles? Watch your ankles in the shiggy!!!
Anyways, after an ill-conceived, and poorly executed attempt by Slips in Sideways and Hare Crotchna to rid a modest Snyphlis of his shorts, the pack continued back to produce row. Snyphlis led with shorts intact.
Back to Produce Row we were. Your's truly led religion for the first time ever. I'm a recent graduate of the Shoots, Bum, Nip, Crotch internet mail order correspondence school of hash religion.
True to the Kahuna hash, less is better mentality, here's the minutes from religion:
Opening Prayer: Our Lager which art in Barrels.
Honor to the hares: Battle hymn of the hashers.
Down, Down to newbies to the Kahuna: Dough, Ray, Me
Kahuna welcome to Big Shitter, Chum Guzzler, Just Cynthia, Slips in Sideways( Lois Lame, Space Hog, and Muddy Balls,; who all skipped religion due to more pressing obligations)
Crimes on trail were discussed, the conclusion being that the hares were guilty for missing the beer check and deserved another down-down.
Closing: Amazing Beer
Religion was approximately 7 minutes and 4 down-downs long.
Beer consumption statistics: approximately 9L of Full Sail Rip Curl Ale. A jug of Katoytoys special, tasty hi octane fruit juice cocktail, a few mini beers.
ON-ON, Gym Nasty
ON-IN SONGS
Our Lager
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk,
I will be drunk,
At home as in the tavern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not into incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers.
For thine is the Beer, The Bitter, and the Lager,
Barmen.
Dough, the stuff that buys me beer
Ray, the guy who serves me beer
Me, the guy who drinks the beer
Far, a long long way for beer
So, I'll have another beer
La, la la la la la beer
Tea, no thanks I'm drinking beer
Which brings us back to
Down, down, down down
Melody – Battle Hymn of the Republic
His eyes have seen the horror of the steepness of the trail,
His ears have heard the whining of the whinging Hashers’ tale,
His lips have felt the passing of this nation's finest ale, This Hasher's done it all!
CHORUS: Glory, Glory, Ale and Lager!
Glory, Glory, Ale and Lager! Glory, Glory, Ale and Lager!
Now drink it down, down, down!
A - maz - ing beer,
A taste profound,
a whole keg just for thee!
The pack is lost,
But home you've found,
The beer check you can see
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