Attendance:
Gym Nasty, Snyphillis, Wildman, Stinkfinger, Pabst Smear, OJ, Mystery Meat, Always in Deep,Free Bush from Fort Collins, Twatsicle, Mary Lou Rectum, Shitty Kitty.

I arrived late and was somewhat taken aback when the pack left w/o me, going right by my car and not even looking in as I undressed in the back seat. Shit, how was I ever going to catch the pack? Luckily, Always in Deep got something in his eye, and was temporarily delayed on the trail as Twatsicle and Mary Lou Rectum (MLR) examined his orifices for foreign matter.

Did I mention that once the trail headed off of Terwilliger (the start), it was all straight uphill, ivy-infested Shiggy? Once the orifice check was done, the 4 of us continued up the hill and ran into Stinky Finger pulling his pants up from taking what seemed to be a dump judging from the smug look on his face. So now the 5 of us misfits continued, yes, up more muddy shiggy until we came to a dirt road which led to some magnificent views of the city and lots more uphill.

After a few checks we were headed down Fairmount and found a Beer Neer symbol near a pull-out. As we headed downhill into the woods we were greeted by the rest of the pack: Snyphillis, OJ, Wildman, Pabst Smear, OJ and Always in Deep. Pisses behind trees, MGD and -- yes -- water! There were like 8 beers and 6 waters -- what was Gymnasty thinking? Anyway, it was plenty for the small pack. There was talk about Magic Merkin Ride -- the usual explaining to the new guys what a merkin is -- and all the hashes he's hared lately. Guess he didn't have a job other than dealing Meth for a while which must make you want to hare. Snyphillis said that Merkin's hometown (south of OR City, can't remember the name) has one of the highest violent crime rates in the country! Maybe there's a reason Merkin's always changing his facial hair.... Wait a minute, where were Mystery Meat & Free Bush? Didn't take a rocket scientist to follow that trail ... were they having S.o.T.?

After we got tired of waiting for 'em & talking about Blow Job Lips' love life since she joined the Hash last summer (that's what happens when you don't show up!), we headed downhill on the trail. Gymnasty laid an unmarked backcheck (no back arrow) but Wildman had the right direction on the trail dialed in even before we got to the check. Of course we didn't listen to him because, after all, he's Wildman. So a bunch of FRBs like Snyphy, OJ and Pabst Smear went running down beyond the check on a nice, muddy trail looking for flour. No flour. The check was right on a single track ridge trail, so it was either straight ahead on the trail, or down the hill. Couldn't see any flour down the hill and it was pretty dang steep. So, being that his sick, stunted brain works the same way as Gymnasty's, Wildman figured that the trail he had told us to go down before was in fact, the right direction and the check was a backcheck.

After sliding down more muddy steep shiggy, we came to a nicer section of the Marquam trail where we got our first chance to stretch the old legs on some soft trail for a while. The rest of the trail was pretty much a straight jog with minimal checks as far as I can tell -- I got way behind the pack so I can't really tell you what transpired with the group. Caught up at the On-In on Terwilliger where Mystery Meat & OJ had returned early, having given up on following the trail. Gymnasty shared his home brew and handmade ham, cheddar cheese & pickle subs. MLR doled out a short but sweeeet 10 minutes of religion: Hare drinks for shitty trail; Visitors to the Kahuna Hash, Mystery Meat & Free Bush; Crimes on Trail - Shitty Kitty (me) for telling the BRBs (back running bastards) which direction to go on the checks since I'd followed Gymnasty as he pre-laid earlier in the day. A few more songs, maybe some more crimes... I don't remember because Gymnasty didn't sign me up to scribe until after the fact and even though I keep yelling at him to come help me finish this shit, he's too busy wanking off in the steam shower to bother.

so there you have it. until next time, good night and good luck.

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